Mizerable
by bootleg
Summary: Songfic from Gackt's 'Mizerable.' Sano's story of unrequited love and a life full of pain.


/3 Mizerable

Disclaimer: Don't own Rurouni Kenshin. There. Happy?!

Song: Mizerable by Gackt

_**Warning: This is the unedited version of Mizerable. Angst coming at full speed.**_

...enjoy.

-bootleg

/3

Bad days. A bad day is understandable, right? Right. But how about a week of bad days? A month? **A year**?

_Pretending not to notice_

_I gazed far outside a small window_

_The voice of an angel fills the sky_

_Embraced by the wind_

Inhale, exhale. Damn... I never knew how hard it could be... just to breathe. Just living... just living could tear your heart apart. God... sometimes I wonder if the divine beings up there are doing this just to torment me. Is this supposed to be some test of perseverance they've been putting me through? **Is this supposed to be their idea of fun?!**

_The noise reflected in your eyes can't hear a thing_

_Now it's just "a trick of sweet time"_

_I whispered to the sky_

Oh yeah. It was fun... fun for a while. But fun never lasts as long as you want it to. Sooner or later it kicks you in the ass and you're left smelling the raw fumes of reality. Reality that says... maybe life isn't what it's all jacked up to be. Maybe drinking, gambling, and teasing... maybe those things aren't what I want... what I need.

_Around and round... In the time left behind, I am now_

_Les miserables_

Emptiness. Have you ever felt empty? Like nothing matters anymore? Like if there was no tomorrow... it'd be okay? It gnaws at you, like a wild animal. The one time you're vulnerable, it seeps into your lungs, intoxicating you. After a while, you get used to it. You get used to feeling like there's a burning whole through your chest. You finally get used to the fact that... that you're the only person you know who feels that way. No one can help you now. All you are is a vacant shell of a person, living... barely living. Every breath reminding you of how you want to end it all.

_I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall_

_Laughing softly_

But you're too afraid of death. Too afraid of pain. Why are you so frightened of suffering? You experience it every day...

"Sano? Are you okay?"

The tender voice made me brush off my morbid thoughts, focusing all my attention on her.

"...Hey, Jou-chan."

I gave her the best smile I could muster at the moment, which turned out to be more of a frown. "I'm fine. Don't worry." It pained me so much **just to say** I was fine. 'But... I'm not fine!' I wanted to yell. But I couldn't. I couldn't pour out all my worries and pain on the person who caused them.

"Ok... if you say so."

She smiled and walked away into the training room, careful to close the shoji behind her.

As soon as her curvaceous body was out of sight, I ran. Ran away like the coward I am. Nearing the dojo gates, my legs screeched to a halt as I saw a petite figure coming through them.

"Okaeri nasai, Kenshin!"

"Tadaima!"

The kendo instructor raced to the ex-hitokiri, arms wide and smiling bright. He gave her an equally smitten grin and embraced her thin frame lovingly. Even a blind man could see the love in their eyes.

I couldn't take it anymore. It took all my strength to ignore them and crawl away from their tender moment. Of course, they didn't notice me inching away. They were too caught up in an affectionate gaze. Finally making it to the dirt road, my legs collapsed under my knees and I cradled my head in my hands. Kenshin... that bastard. He is the only hindrance, the only hurdle I have to face until I can free myself from these wrenching thoughts clouding my brain.

_My feelings will never reach you... I'll put them in a sigh_

But I can't. I'm... I'm not strong enough. I'll never be strong enough. Not when I'm being constantly weakened everyday, just by the sight of two lovers.

_Bathed in the cold wind_

_Imagining these feelings night after night_

_The melody I hum softly_

_Is etched in time and disappears_

_I can't forget the sadness that will I can never go back_

_Even now I can't dye myself with these swaying emotions and my body_

_Is about to break..._

Sometimes I wonder if I really do love her. Is it another figment of my imagination? Am I just pretending... because I feel alone? Kenshin has Kaoru, Hiko has Megumi, hell, even Saitoh has his Tokio. And here I am, left alone. I don't have anyone.

_Where can I go so that the sadness of being alone will disappear?_

_"I h a v e t o m o r r o w......"_

I must look like an idiot. Holding my head in my hands, teardrops trickling down my cheeks, legs crumpled on the dirt road. I was an idiot. An idiot for trying to grasp something others had. An idiot for trying to grasp something I knew I would never have.

_Around and round... In the time left behind, I am now_

_Les miserables_

_I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall_

_Laughing softly_

_Les miserables_

_Falling deeply into an almost forgotten dream, I am now_

_Les miserables_

_I loved you too much and you are now on the other side of the wall_

_Laughing softly_

_Todokanai kono omoi dake... toiki ni nosete_

Hope you liked it. I might edit this later on.

((Now's your cue to review!))


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